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For the free-spirited females with fiercely sensitive hearts.

This is for the gentle goddesses with watery, empathic hearts, who ooze with oodles of compassion, eager to soothe another’s suffering.

Yes, this is just for us:

The free-spirited females with fiercely sensitive hearts.

We are a balmy breeze, casually caressing arms lovingly, suddenly here, suddenly there, then suddenly gone.

We are a thousand grains of precious pink sand, slowly slipping through soft fingertips, one by one.

We can never be contained because we aren’t meant to be.

We are born to ride the wild winds of passion, surf the turbulent oceans of despair, and relentlessly explore the great vastness of this crazy world—until our bodies collapse in ecstatic exhaustion.

We understand deeply that life is a heartbreakingly beautiful series of goodbyes, hellos, triumphs and disappointments and we feel most alive in the midst of transformation, courageously shedding our old skin to be birthed again, raw and new.

We are are well-versed in letting go, able to boldly exhale and swiftly set fire to the past, painstakingly gathering the ashen wisdom to build a more abundant future.

We are phoenixes, falcons, eagles and butterflies.

We are light and airy, yet never lacking depth.

We are carefree and sparkly, but our effervescence actually emanates from caring so deeply, from feeling the world’s pain, happiness, love, sadness and struggle wildly pulsate within our chests, day in and day out.

We are spongy emotional barometers, picking up on another’s mood immediately, sensing anxiety, anger, grief, frustration and jealousy. Feeling it so damn intensely that we sometimes suffocate.

We crave alone time, solo adventures, secret places and quiet spaces because the world can seem so scary and overwhelming that we wonder if it could, in fact, swallow us entirely in one single gulp.

We love wholly, compassionately and completely—but never possessively.

We have to fly away sometimes, darting out in the velvety black of night because we know that by setting ourselves free, we can set others free too.

We deeply respect our femininity, listening closely to the whispering wisdom of our intuition, the mystical murmurs of our ancestors and the primal pulse of nature.

We feel most alive outside, wings fully spanned, feeling the firm ground beneath our feet, welcoming the fiercest winds to whirl through our wispy hair.

We are fierce warriors, forces to be reckoned with—precisely because we are so sensitive.

My gentle and free-spirited sisters, I hear your feathery roar.

Let us spread our wings and soar.

Let us fly long and fast and hard.

Let us fly unapologetically.

Into the incredible lives we are meant to live.

Let us vow now.

To never turn our backs on the wise contents.

Of our fabulously free-spirited.

And fantastically sensitive souls."

This text is me. Every word. I have always loved poetry and texts I can relate to, and this is both. This text explains how I feel, how I see myself on the inside. I have never found a way to explain this before except for saying "I'm sensitive", and maybe no one has the patience or understanding to read the whole thing. Maybe it's the kind of thing that if you don't understand it you can't see the magic. Kind of like me :p

First you wanna go to the left, then you wanna turn right

One of my biggest problems have been that I always wanna be where I'm not. I can't find the peace to be content with where I am. There's always been other people I wanna meet or places I wanna see, but never something specific or long lasting enough for me to meet them or go there. Like when I was in school in Halmstad I always wanted to be in Gothenburg where all the action seemed to be. But there wasn't anything specific there I wanted to do, it was more that I knew Gothenburg would be better than being in Halmstad which was just a place of misery because of school.
 
The things and places I've left but can't(/have a hard time to) let go of are those where I'm happy to be exactly where I am. With a mind full of jumble mumbles and crap those are my safest places to hide. 
 
I don't know if I still feel this way out of habit but I can't seem to sit down long enough to figure out what to do with my life. I know I don't have to figure out everything right now, but I feel it would bring me a lot of peace figuring it out. Or maybe just find a new safe place. 😜
 
Plopp ❤️

Are you waiting 'til the time is right?

So my updates on this blog this week has been close to nonexistent, but I've just been too busy thinking and the thoughts have been too tangled to write down. I have been thinking about everything, and I've got more posts to come about these thoughts. I'd like to send out a warning that some of these thinking posts might be long, maybe  tedious for some, but hopefully insightful when it comes to me and what goes on on the inside. SO if you're interested keep swimming.
 
This is where I've been for a couple hours today writing everything down. Kind of ok 👌🏻
  
I think a lot about a lot of things. A couple months ago I came across two articles/videos in which older women talked about what they wish they knew when they were younger. I got to thinking about it today when I read this article and how it's always easier to be smart in hindsight. I thought I'd be smart before it's too late instead and thought about what I, in my old days, will regret I didn't do now when I'm young.
 
The one thing I came up with was that I will regret I was never more confident. I always wanted people to like me and I had a hard time being at peace with who I was cause whenever I didn't fit in with some crowds I unconcsiously thought about how I could make them like me (which sounds very obssesive now, haha!). One thing I won't regret, however, is that I never became someone I'm not, I was only just different versions of myself with different people.
 
This kind of stuck with me and is a bit connected to me having performance anxiety. Occasionally when I'm down or something happens I get insecure and unsocialable and seclude myself from my surroundings. I easily go to the place where I doubt myself, and have a harder time seeing everyone else's flaws than my own. This is why I hate to have to prove myself to people, cause unless it's something that I know like the back of my hand and feel very comfortable with (like the horses and riding) I usully can't take the pressure. I have always managed in any professional situation, and usually excelled, and I got really good at hiding the anxiety, but I'm aaaalways a mess on the inside. 
 
Sometimes I just want to be a loner, relax and don't have to feel any pressure. Life as myself is in general too much of a roller coaster where I'm either off the charts bored or way too excited which is something I've learned to embrace. And you get used to being the odd one out, after a while nothing is really that embarrassing anymore. I am also not the type of person who regrets things. Regret doesn't serve a purpose whatsoever. It's a lot like awkward silences, if you ignore them you won't feel it. 😏
 
Bottomline is - what I'd like to do with this train of thought I've been chewing on for the past week is to let go and be as weird as I want to. In a hundred years, no one will care anyway. Life lesson #1 --> Not everyone is going to like you, and negative people will be negative but that's their problem, don't make it into yours! You've got more than enough problems to deal with.
 
My goal this year is to be myself. Which is probably the most used phrase of all time, but something that's underestimated and way harder than it looks.
 
Always swim (you may walk, jump or dance too) in your own direction. You'll find more interesting things where no one's been before.